Brenda is a 20 year old woman moving to New York for a fresh start and to fulfill her life long goal of becoming a chef in Culinary School. Follow her as she deals with the roller coaster of life, involving family, friends and men.

Friday, October 2, 2015

Yours? Mine? Ours?

**** I'm coming up with a schedule to start posting weekly and then bumping up to twice a week, but for now, enjoy this short but sweet post!**** 

I had never seen Lukas so pale before. His emotions mimicked mine perfectly. It seemed as if I had a knot in my throat that I just couldn't swallow and my breathing began to shorten significantly. 

"How far along are you?" Lukas asks, seeming afraid to know the answer. 

"Oh wouldn't you like to know?" Danielle replies. 

"Fine, don't tell me how far along you are. Just tell me if it's mine" Lukas says, growing impatient. 

"You know, I'm really not sure. There was another guy around the same time as you" Danielle starts. Suddenly, Dustin slowly walks around Danielle and positions himself so he's facing me, while resting a hand on that growing baby bump. 

"It's either yours or Dustin's" she finishes, all the while maintaining a devilish smile. 

I'm going to throw up. This can't be happening. 

I try to compose myself and I manage to squeak out, "but I don't understand, when did this all happen? How?"

"Aww, is this too much for you?" Danielle begins in a mock tone. "Should I explain it down to the little detail of how pregnancy starts? Maybe even down to the little moves Lukas used on me?" 

"Listen!" I scream, as I lunge for her. Just before I get too close, Lukas grabs me by my waist.  

After Lukas gets me to a reasonable distance away from them, I turn around and shut my eyes. Trying to breath and keep your calm in a situation that is so nauseating is not easy. Then, I turn to see Lukas by my side, looking to see if I'm okay. 

How could he be so caring of my feelings? He could possibly be a baby daddy! I think to myself

In that moment, I realized that I was being selfish and not caring for Lukas who probably needed my support rather than my anger towards this "Danielle" 

"I'm sorry" I say, turning to him. "I'm okay, I'm here for you" 

"Babe, don't worry about it, okay? It'll all be okay. This doesn't change anything about us. We will get through this" Lukas says, lovingly. He took my hand back into his as we walked over to Dustin and Danielle. 

"Do you plan on telling me if it's mine or Dustin's anytime soon?" Lukas kindly asks Danielle. 

"When I feel like it, yes" Danielle responds. 

"Well then, until then I don't want to hear from you. This is clearly out of my control but if it is mine, we will discuss matters then. Understood?" Lukas says 

"That's it? You're not angry?" Danielle responds in shock. 

"If you knew me really well, you'd know that I do not get upset over things I can't control, only the wrongs I make about the things I can." Lukas starts, surprisingly calm. "So I'd appreciate it if you both left us alone until you decide to let us know if it's mine" Lukas finishes and begins to walk away with my hand still in his. 

I follow him, unsure of how I should feel. Just before we get too far to discuss anything else, Danielle shouts, "Lukas!" 

We both simultaneously turn around to look at her. 

"I'm 6 months along" Danielle says. 

Lukas simply nods, smiles and continues to walk away. Then he says, "I knew she'd tell me" 

"Really? But how?" I add, completely lost. 

He smiles and says, "Because, giving them my anger is what they wanted. When I gave them the opposite, they gave ME what I wanted" 

"You wanted to know how far along she was? Not if it's yours?" I ask him, still not following and completely confused by his demeanor. 

Lukas smiles and says, "Exactly. Because now, I know the child isn't mine" 

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Possible Return?

Hi all,

I'm sorry I've been gone for literally forever! I was very sick with a disease that returned from when I was young that we thought was to be in remission. But I am considering coming back to posting (at least once a week for now). I just want to see if I still had any readers or anyone interested.

I really hope so!

Let me know!



Thursday, October 2, 2014

Authors note

Hi al! Sorry i haven't posted in a while. I've been having some health issues and therefore haven't come up with a weekly posting schedule because I'm not sure I can live up to it. I will be posting still, just not on a set time and date. As I get better, I will become more frequent. I appreciate everyone's patience! Thank you so much.


I'm Not the Only One

That night, Lukas and I laid in bed, wrapped each other's arms. I wasn't tired and I don't think he was either as he lightly stroked my arm. 

"No matter what, I won't let them hurt you or take you away from me. I've waited too long for this. I don't want someone else. You're the only one" Lukas whispered in my ear. 

I didn't respond. I just moved my body closer to his and tightened my grip on his arms that were around me. He knew I only wanted him. 

The next thing I remember was my alarm screaming at me, letting me know it was time to wake up. I turned over and found Lukas laying next to me. He looked so peaceful. His toned shoulders just peeking from under the covers. Lukas was always cold, no matter what. I slowly got out of bed and into the bathroom, turning on my shower. I let my hair down and walked right into the shower, immediately feeling calmer as the warm water hit me. I lathered my body and massaged my head with shampoo. As I was reaching for my conditioner, I heard the bathroom door open and close and as I turned around, I found Lukas by my shower door, naked. Without saying a word, he came into the shower and turned me around so my back was to him. He started kissing down my neck and traced his fingers on my waist and up to my hard nipples. He twirled my nipples in between his fingers and made circles with his tongue on my neck. Slowly he slid his hand down and lightly stroked me, causing me to moan. He gently bent me over and with one thrust, filled me. He bent over so he was holding on to me as he thrust and whispered in my ear, "I don't care about anything else. I love you." 

"I love you too" I gasped as he began to thrust harder and faster as he rubbed my clit masterfully causing me to reach orgasm quickly, Lukas following quickly there after. 

We both washed up and made our way out to the kitchen where we found Ana and Drew. 

"Morning!" Ana said cheerfully.

"Hey" I said, walking towards her. "You made breakfast?"

"Well yeah! I like to do things too!" She said, excitedly. 

I started contemplating why she was so jumpy but then I realized it was because I was going to be meeting with my anonymous texter today. Lukas had told us yesterday that they wanted to meet at 6 o'clock tonight at some address. Lukas said he wasn't going to let me out of his sight and that he was coming with me, Ana and Drew were going to stay in the car. 

The four of us gathered around the kitchen table and started eating breakfast in an awkward silence. Everyone seemed to be staring at me. 

"Guys, I'm not dying. I'm just meeting this person. I'm okay" I said calmly. 

"We know. We just want to make sure that you're really okay" Ana said. 

Lukas grabbed my hand and looked at me, "we will handle this all together." He said. 

I smiled because I knew that the support of Lukas and my friends is exactly what I needed. 

"I think it's Dustin" Ana said hesitantly as Lukas nodded in agreement. 

"That seems like the only possible option" I said, agreeing with Ana. 

"Well let's just try to take our minds off of it for a bit. What about a movie?" Drew suggested. 

We agreed, cleaned up and all sat together on the couch and started looking through Netflix. We settled on watching "The Notebook" since neither Drew nor Lukas had seen it. 

Sitting through a romantic movie with Lukas couldn't have been any better. I got to think about my own relationship with him and to realize how happy I am. Something I wouldn't allow anyone, not even Dustin, to destroy. 

The rest of the day was spent relaxing and watching shows and eating junk food. I had almost forgotten about the whole messaging incident until 4 o'clock came around and Lukas told me we would have to leave in a half hour since we had to pick up my car. I went into my room and changed into a pair of light washed jeans, a button down white shirt, a green scarf and black flats. 

We all piled into the taxi which had lead us to the car dealership and I picked up my car that I would have for the time I was in New York. We all gathered into my car, which Lukas was driving, and punched in the address our "anonymous person" sentus and started driving. It was about 20 minutes north of the city and it was an empty tennis court at a deserted school. 

Ana rubbed my shoulder from the backseat and reassured me that everything would be okay. I looked at Lukas and he gave me a warm smile. We got out the car as Ana and Drew stayed in the car and started walking closer to the tennis court. 

Slowly approaching us I recognized a familiar face. Dustin. 

"How do you like your anonymous texter? It's me" he said, crossing his arms. 

"No shit. Didn't take a genius to figure that one out" Lukas said through clenched teeth, squeezing my hand tight. 

"Who asked you to come?" Dustin asked. 

"I wanted him here" I replied, standing taller. "What do you want Dustin?" I continued. 

"Nothing. I have something for you" he said, with a fake smile. 

"I don't want anything from you" I said. 

"I just want you to meet my friend" he said, turning to the side, doing a hand motion to someone to come closer. 

I couldn't make out the person but I could see it was a girl with long blonde hair. 

"The fuck? That's not possible" Lukas said, loosening his grip on my hand but pulling me closer. 

"This is my friend, you may know her Lukas..." Dustin started "..her name is Danielle." 

I couldn't piece it together until I remembered hearing Lukas say her name the night he was on the phone with my brother. She was the girl Lukas had a "thing with." 

I started examining her. From her head down. Her blonde hair fell right at her petite shoulders and her skin was light. She had a pretty face but nothing beyond that. She didn't have big boobs which shocked me because Lukas used to always joke about liking a girl with big boobs. Maybe he was actually joking. But that wasn't even close to the shock that I got when I looked down to see a growing belly. 

Fuck......She's pregnant

Wednesday, September 17, 2014


At first, it felt like walls were closing in on me. I felt insecure, scared and violated. To have someone watching your every move, made me feel disgusting, but then, I looked up and saw Lukas. The guy who would do anything to keep me safe. The guy who loved me and proved it in his actions. He was protecting me and in one of the scariest moments of my life, I had never felt so safe.

Lukas sat back down next to me and turned my face towards his lightly. "I will never let anyone hurt you, I promise that. I love you okay?" He said, staring deep into my eyes.

"I know you won't. I love you Lukas" I replied, leaning my head against his chest.

Lukas filled Ana and Drew in on what was going on and they insisted we take our orders to go. Once we got into Drews car, Lukas pulled me close to him. His protective arms held on to me and it felt like time stood still.

I had almost forgotten about the whole incident until we arrived outside of my building. We all went upstairs and entered my apartment. Lukas and I say on one couch and Drew and Ana on the couch in front of us and we all began eating our delicious meals.

Lukas was busy talking to Ana as I drifted off into my thoughts. Suddenly, Drew called my name.

"Hey, I don't know you very well and I know that you may think I'm some stranger, but I will help find this person. You're Ana's best friend, which means you're just as important to me as you are to her. Between Lukas and I, nothing will happen to you" he said, gently.

I smiled and nodded at him. I looked at the clock. 10:45. I wish I had a desire to sleep but then it hit me. Dan!

"Lukas, what about Dan?" I asked.

"Oh that's right, I completely forgot. Do you want me to just call him and tell him we will reschedule?" He asked

"No, just tell him to come over, the more fiends the better right now" I said, looking down at my hands.

Lukas went off and called Dan as Ana, Drew and I fell into a comfortable silence. It seemed as if we were all just thinking.

"He was actually on his way home and forgot too. He said he'd be right over in about 3 minutes." Lukas said, sitting down again.

Lukas' precise recollection of his conversation made me laugh and he smiled knowing exactly why I was laughing. We always had this thing when we were younger that he would tell me why his parents were annoying him and he wouldn't leave out a single detail. It always made me laugh as it still did to this day.

The doorbell rang and Lukas answered it. In came Dan with a loaf of bread and I swore that he was an angel in that moment. I was always an emotional eater and tonight, bread would be my best friend.

"Woah, what's going on here?" Dan said, noticing the seriousness of the occasion.

Lukas explained the story to him and when he was done, he walked over to me and handed me the bread without saying a word, causing me to break into a huge laugh at which everyone seemed a little relieved.

We all sat together and talked as if nothing had happened. We got to know Dan a bit and boy was he hilarious. We joked around with each other as if we knew each other forever.

"Hey Bren, why don't we play a card game?" Ana asked.

"Yeah, that'll be fun. The cards are in the kitchen" I said

Ana returned with the cards in hand. "Alright, everyone, phones on the table in a pile. It's card game time" she said. Ana never liked having phones around when we were playing games.

We all placed our phones on the table in a pile and started the game. Lukas sat next to me and would occasionally look at me and smile, letting me know I was loved and safe. Just as I was lost in thought, we heard a message vibration.

As we go to reach for the phones, Ana yells. "No! Anyone who touches their phone, loses!!"

We all paused in mid air and slowly sat back down. We continued playing the game with the constant sound of message notifications. When we finished the game, which I lost of course, Ana started handing back all of our phones and paused when she got to mine.

" have two messages from an unknown number" she said, shakily.

I reached for it while everyone yelled no.

"Give it to me, Ana." Lukas said.

"What does it say?" I asked him as he read the message quickly. I could see him tensing up.

"They want to meet up with you" Lukas said.

"Yes." I said. Immediately.

"Yes? You're serious? That's not a good idea. They could hurt you." Lukas said.

"Brenda.." Ana started.

"I said yes!" I repeated, loudly.

"We are not letting you go alone." Lukas said.

"Fine, come with me. Just know, I'm going either way. I need to know who this is and take care of this crap." I said.

Lukas let out a sigh and said, "Are you sure?"

I thought about it one more time.

"Yes" I said.

This is happening. I need to do this. 

Friday, September 12, 2014

Double Date

1:40 PM precisely is when my doorbell rang. Ana had gotten ready, both physically and emotionally, and opened the door. When Drew didn't move from the doorway, I knew he was just as nervous as Ana was to talk.

"Ana, I'm so sorry" he said, still from outside of my apartment.

Ana put her hand on her hip, typical Ana style, and asked, "How should I trust that you're sorry when I can't trust if you don't know Dustin? You don't know the kind of ass hole he is. You don't know what he did to Brenda."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. He's not my friend, my friends were all the other ones from Florida and I just hit it off with Dustin when he came along with them. I had no idea! This was before I met you. I promise." He said, his eyes pleading with Ana to believe him.

I immediately looked at Lukas who was sitting next to me on the couch and frowned, I really did feel bad for the kid. We had become friends and I grew to like him since our original meeting, when he was "tongue tied", to say the least.

"I only met you a couple days ago and we seem to have a problem now, you told me you liked me and wanted to get to know me and I like you, but if we fight so easily, who is to say we will make it past a week as a couple?" Ana asked. I felt bad for Ana too. She's never been in a serious relationship because she's always been scared of being hurt. She always ended things before anything serious happened, just as it seemed to be happening now.

"Because I have faith in us. Call me crazy, but I like you Ana. A lot. We've hung out a lot within the last couple days and I can't say I've met a girl as funny and beautiful as you" he said, grabbing her hand.

I swore I could see Anas heart jumping through her chest.

"I like you too" she said, shyly.

"So then can we give this a shot? The whole thing, a relationship between us?" Drew asked.

"One thing.....You promise that if your friends bring Dustin around, you either warn them to not bring him or not let him come anywhere near Brenda. He's heartless and will ruin the happiness she has right now." She said, studying his face. And that's my best friend!, I thought to myself. So loving and kind.

"I promise." He said, pulling her in at the waist and kissing her lips softly.

Lukas and I both looked at each other and smiled. We both got up making disgust noises, messing around with them.

They both laughed and Ana looked at Lukas and I, "double date tonight!?" She said, practically jumping up and down.

"Double date it is!" I said, with just as much enthusiasm.


Ana and I spent some time getting ready together. Ana wore her LBD that fit her nicely and I wore my knee length, curve hugging red dress. Drew had picked a restaurant for us to go have dinner at since he knew the city better then any of us. We told him we had been living off of pizza and unhealthy food since we were unpacking, that we wanted a change, so he chose a fancy sushi restaurant.

When we arrived at the restaurant, Drew had instructed the hostess that we wanted an intimate booth and she shot Ana and I a dirty look when he said that.

"Is it just me or did she look at Ana and I when Drew said intimate booth in a weird way?" I whispered to Lukas once we were seated.

"It's probably cause she was just jealous of how hot you look tonight" he whispered back to me, lightly kissing my neck, causing goosebumps to surface on my skin, only making me imagine what the night had in store for us. I worried that Ana and Drew would feel weird at the amount of PDA that Lukas and I were showing, but when I turned to look at them, they looked just as happy to be with each other as us.

"Excuse me" we heard the waiter say and we all turned our attention back to our menus with red cheeks.

"Can I start you off with drinks?" He said. And I thanked god that he wasn't offended.

We all ordered our drinks and an appetizer. We continued in conversation and started talking about my school starting. Ana seemed to have mouthed something over to Lukas and smile but I couldn't make out what she said. I made a mental note to address it later instead of now.

When the waiter came back with our drinks and appetizers, we ordered our entrees and dug into the appetizers.

Drew seemed to be so happy with Brenda and I couldn't help but reflect on my own happiness with Lukas. The man I shared everything with was someone I grew to love.

As I was in mid thought, Ana kicked me under the table and asked me if I wanted to go to the bathroom. We grabbed our purses and went together. Once in the bathroom, she wouldn't stop talking about how much she was enjoying her night with Drew and I was so happy for her. I wanted to tell her how much fun I was having with Lukas, but I decided to let her enjoy her first serious relationship giddiness. We both touched up our make up and walked back to our men.

When we sat, we found our entrees in front of us. I set my bag down and just as I was about to take my first bite, my phone vibration went off, notifying me that I had a text.

I had a strange feeling when I saw the message was from a number I didn't know and what it read, made me lose all my appetite in an instant.

"What's wrong baby? You look pale. Is it something you ate?" Lukas asked.

I shook my head no.

"Then what is it?" He asked.

I handed him my phone without saying a word so he could see for himself and I saw his jaw immediately tighten.

When he handed me back the phone, he got up from the booth in one swift motion, looking around.

I looked at the message again:

It was a picture of me with the caption..

"I liked watching you walk by me in that tight red dress." 

Thursday, September 4, 2014

The Guy Next Door

I wasn't shocked. I wasn't surprised. But it took me a while to respond. I hadn't heard those words in so long. And to hear it from someone who I knew so well...felt so right. We did everything in our lives together since the day we met....he said he loved me and I knew I loved him.

"Bren?" Lukas says, taking me out of my thoughts.

"Sorry. I was just thinking about what you said." I said.

"I'm sorry. Maybe it was too soon." Lukas said, looking down as his hands fumbled in his lap.

"You think I don't love you?" I asked, examining his face.

"It's not that I don't think you...."he began.

"Because I do." I said, cutting him off. "I love you too Lukas" I continued.

His head jumped up as he looked at me, "really!?" He practically shouted in excitment.

"Yes. I do. I know I wanted to take things slow. But spending the last few days with you has made me come to love you more then I did before." I said, feeling myself blush.

"You're so beautiful when you begin to blush" he said, as he pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear and cupped my face. He gently kissed me, softly. I loved how passionate he was about our relationship. How much emotion he showed when we were together as a couple, things I had never seen before.

"I love you" he whispered against my lips. Causing me to smile.

"I love you too" I replied, and with that our lips met again and the events of the night disappeared my mind as Lukas filled me.


I woke up the next morning to an empty bed and the sound of my doorbell.

I quickly threw on a robe and walked into the living room to notice a man talking to Ana and Lukas. The man was tall and blonde, with very wide shoulders. He had on a pair of khaki shorts, a blue button down shirt and boat shoes.

The man stood and extended his hand, introducing himself as my neighbor.

"Hi! I'm Dan. I live right next door." He said, enthusiastically.

"Oh hi Dan, I'm Brenda. It's nice to meet you." I responded, crossing my arms so my robe wouldn't open.

"I see I caught you at a bad time, I just have been meaning to introduce myself since you moved in but I figured you'd be busy unpacking, which by the way, your place looks great!" He said, smiling. I immediately liked him. Not only because he complemented my apartment, but also because he seemed like someone who was very happy, like me.

"So how long have you lived in this building?" I asked. And with that question alone, I got to know a lot about Dan. He was a bartender at one of the bars in the city for the last 4 years, but was originally from California. Both of is parents died about a year ago and he has an older sister named Jen. I immediately felt pity for him knowing he must've gone through a lot of suffering within the last few years.

"Ya know Dan, Brenda is going to be 21 in 2 days. Maybe then we can come visit you legally." Lukas said, winking at him since the past few times, I got lucky in getting into the clubs and bars.

"That sounds great! If you guys come in two days, I'll make you all special birthday drinks" Dan said.

"That sounds amazing. Thanks for stopping by!" I said, cheerfully.

"Yeah, it was fun. Would you wanna come out to dinner with us later tonight?" Lukas asked.

"That sounds like fun, but I have a shift till 10:30 at work. Could I join you guys after?" Dan asked. We all agreed and exchanged numbers so that we could get in touch later that night and with that, he left.

"He seems like such a nice person" Ana said, looking at the door after he left

"He really does.....Has anything happened with Drew?" I asked, cautiously.

"He tried calling me but it just felt weird. I'm having a hard time believing he didn't set you up" she said, with a disappointed look .

"Don't shut him out all at once. Give him a chance to explain himself. Maybe he really had no idea. Why don't you call him?" I asked and she nodded in agreement, walking to my room so she could call him.

I walked over to Lukas who was drinking his morning protein shake and wrapped my arms around him. "I loved being with you last night" I said, my words being muffled from my face being against his back.

"So did I baby. I can't wait to see how our relationship and our love grows" he said.

"Thinking about our relationship growing is wonderful, but you're going to be leaving in a few days....and that's not so wonderful to think about" I said, feeling my heart sink at the thought of his absence.

"Why do you worry about that?" He asks.

"Well what if something happens when we are away from each other? We've only been dating as a couple for a few days, it's not like we've been dating for so long" I say.

"You think because we haven't been together for so long as couple, we aren't strong?" He asks.

When I don't respond, he continues, "we have gone through hell and back with each other as friends. I have fallen in love with my best friend who knows me so well. What's stronger then that?"

I smile wide at his comment and say "You're right, I have fallen in love with my best friend too. We are a strong couple"

Lukas turns around and wraps his arms around me, "I know its still a hard thing to think about but don't think about it now. We have a few more days left. Let's enjoy them and then we can talk more about that later okay?" He said, kissing my forehead.

I nodded just when I heard Ana return.

"So he wants to come over to talk, to all of us." Ana said, looking down at the floor.

"Okay. That's fine." I said.

"Just him?" Lukas asks, tightening his grip on me.

"Yes, just him" she says, looking sad.

I walk over to her and give her a hug. "It's not over yet. Let's see what he says. It may work out" I say, trying to reassure her.

"Yeah" Lukas says, walking over to us and hugging both of us,"we will get through it. Together" he says, looking at me.

I look at him deeply and mouth "together", knowing exactly what he meant.